Hard Decisions
by mattiesaurus
Summary: Short drabble more then a full fic. Its kind of just a rough draft and could really use some content editing, I'm sure. So if you have any suggestions please let me know. Note: This fic is based off information that is presented in the GAME ONLY and has/may not be presented in the anime. So keep in mind that if you haven't played the games it may contain spoilers.


Ren was the closest and first to reach Syo after he collapsed. The house lights were all flicked on and the theater was illuminated. The entire theater exploded into horrified screaming. Tokiya had dashed backstage, yelling to the stagehands to call for an ambulance as soon as Syo had fallen to the ground. Ren scooped up Syo and followed after him.

Syo woke up feeling groggy and nauseous. It was an uncomfortably familiar feeling. He reached up and pressed his palm against his forehead, trying to get to the dizziness to fade.

"Fuck."

"You shouldn't use such foul language." Kaoru handed him a cup with a straw. "How are you feeling? It scared the hell out of me getting a call saying you'd collapsed during a show…"

"I'm fine." Syo took the water but glanced away from his twin. "What time is it?"

Kaoru knew better then to try and push his brother for a more truthful answer if he didn't want to give it. He sighed a little, "Not quite 4 am."

"Ugh…" Syo pressed his hands against his eyes; "I guess I've totally ruined the concert then."

"I can't believe that's what your biggest concern is." There was a touch of irritation in Kaoru's voice, but it was masked well. "The doctor should be by around seven. You should try and get some more sleep."

Syo leaned against the door as he closed it and heaved a sigh. His friends meant well, but he hadn't been home ten minutes and they were already suffocating. He just wanted to be alone. He paced aimlessly around the room a few times, sat down at his desk only to stand again a few seconds later, grabbing a cup of pencils and throwing it hard at the opposite wall. It left a scattered mess of writing utensils and a few marks on the wall. Syo slowly sank back down onto the chair, his chest heaving with angry breaths. His eyes felt hot and he buried his face in his hands.

"Shit." He hated himself for crying, but he couldn't stop himself either.

"Syo-chan. If you're going to throw a temper tantrum can you please leave my side of the room out of it?" The soft, monotone voice made Syo jump a little.

Ai was standing in front of him holding the cup with all the pencils put back inside. Syo sniffed and rubbed at his face, trying to hide the fact that he was crying.

"How long have you been in here?"

"Long enough to know you look disgusting when you cry." Ai handed the cup back to Syo. Syo's face flushed and he took it back, slamming it down on the desk and knocking it over as he pulled his hand away. Ai watched the action with a look somewhere between indifference and disappointment. "What's so bad that it could make you cry like that?"

Syo rubbed his nose and gave a slight glare at Ai, "Are you asking because you actually care or just for your 'research?'"

"I'm asking because as your senpai it's part of looking after you to try and help you if you're having problems." Ai sat down on the bed across from Syo and stared at him, "And because I've never seen you truly upset about anything."

"So it is just curiosity."

Ai shrugged a little, "I guess so."

Syo put his face in his hands again, laughing dryly, "You know, somehow, the fact that you're not emotionally invested in this makes me care so much less that you're asking."

"Does that mean you'll tell me?"

"If you say you'll keep this for your 'research' and won't tell anyone else."

"Why would I say anything to anyone?"

"I don't know… But just… Don't, okay?"

Ai shrugged and nodded. Syo stared at him for a moment, and then heaved a sigh, pulling his feet up on the chair and rested his forehead on his knees. He didn't look up to speak. Like it was easier to say the words if he wasn't looking at Ai.

"STARISH is going to fall apart and it's going to be my fault. A few weeks, a few months… I don't know. I haven't made a decision yet."

"Decision?"

Syo hugged his knees tighter, and grabbed his trousers in fists to keep his hands from shaking. "This morning, when I was at the hospital, I was told if I kept pushing myself this much I would probably live another six months to a year at most. If I quit being an idol and live on the down low I might have longer but…" he let out a shaky breath as tears built up again. "It's not the idea of dying. I got used to the idea that I could die any time a long time ago. But it's just. Being an idol was all I ever wanted, it's the whole reason I've kept pushing myself so hard."

His hand moved to grip his shirt over his heart; even with his hand in a tight fist it was shaking slightly. "But am I really so selfish to abandon my brother? Should I live a short time for my own happiness or longer for his?"

Syo threw himself forward, tugging on his shirt, and tears were streaming down his cheeks again and his voice rose to a yell when he spoke again.

"How am I supposed to choose between myself and my brother?!"


End file.
